the tragedy of the sofa set

Okay today is indeed an unlucky day.I found this lovely sofa set second hand really cheap online for sale.Called dibs on it.the bloody woman sold it............I really did love it & had been picturing it in my mind in my living room all day....too bad for me.......... huh.I hope the bastard who bought it breaks it or something (okay that was mean but i am really unhappy) have been hounding second sofa sets online forever.Have not found any thing even close.How I wish people had better taste & sold better stuff....for cheap :D

Am wondering if I should spend all my fortune & enjoy some lovely furniture.The only thing is they are bloody expensive.How I wish I had bought something while I was working.

Maternity - the myth

There is something about being a woman which makes you feel helpless, I think it has more to do with maternity than anything else.Those months of immmobility & years of responsibility not shared by anybody else, am not sure if it is really worth it. No body is going to be thankful for it, atleast while I am still around.so about 4 years of my life is going to be wiped out, a time when I cannot really do anything for myself, crippled in every sense of the word!

Every passing day I am coming to the conclusion that it is really not worth it.The greatness of motherhood & the joys of it, am sure are stories to coax woman into doing it & generation after generation, being brought up on those stories.I think it is admirable that M's mom does not advise her to have one & she has chosen not to. If I have a girl I think i will not bring it up on the joys of having a child either & let it chose.And if she does choses to do it...well god help womankind..

down!

hmmmmmm.... lets see, a wee bit down! suddenly feel shaky about what I call the lighting project.

Of course that's what happens when you haven't worked upon it for a while.lets see will sit upon it today & may be something will work out

A season of partings

Myt says H his ex boss lost his wife, Jenny, a few weeks ago.She was very ill, a terminal cancer patient. The docs had given her a verdict  of 6 months more than a year ago.So.... well it wasn't   unexpected, but was a going away nevertheless.H also had lost his son from his first wife to an accident not more than a year ago.He was a young boy,probably just crossed his teens, It was a motor accident.It was a season of losses for H,The poor man is above 60.They say hes become very aloof
I never met Jenny, H's wife, but knew her enough from all the office talk.
But nevertheless it feels like a season of losses.Is it that a new life comming in is balanced out with news ofpartings?...or is it just that I am growing older

A quote

'I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that one second isn't a second at all, it stretches on forever, like an ocean of time... 
For me, it was lying on my back at Boy Scout camp, watching falling stars............ And yellow leaves, from the maple trees, that lined our street... Or my grandmother's hands, and the way her skin seemed like paper.............. And the first time I saw my cousin Tony's brand new Firebird............. And Janie... And Janie... And... Carolyn. I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life... You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday.'

Lester Burnham, American Beauty

A memorium

Life has a strange way of putting things in perspective. Kunal passed away.He was young, late 20s, a happy, fun guy.
He was there for my wedding, came all the way to from Bangalore, He was myt's neighbour , they lived with with their respective room mates in neighboring buildings.They went on trips & partied together, took salsa classes, looked for business opportunities.He was a cheerful guy,with an endless enthusiasm for all things new.
We got married & myt moved to Mumbai so we could be together. I did not meet Kunal again, Heard he was near Mumbai, he had comeback home to his parents. But by the time we had moved to Delhi, am not sure if myt met him again, I dont think so.
He was an only child, his father ran a manufacturing establishment in Mumbai. Back in Mumbai I believe he met his wife, while teaching salsa to his neighbourhood enthusiasts, she was probably one of them.He got married & left for Europe to study further.
We missed the wedding,but was glad he made it, married the girl he loved.We thought he was lucky,Not everybody could really get married to the girl of their dreams & go to school in europe, Most could not even if they were unmarried & had not the financial liabilities that came with it.Lucky guy....we said!

I cannot believe he is no more.........its one of those things that come out of the blue.One of those things that make you realise how fragile life is.That every single one of us right here with our families are exceptionally lucky to have our time.To be able to have a child, to hope to see it grow, to be able hug & see the smiles on loved ones faces.....To be there every second of our tiny lives

A lazy lump of a day

A lazy lump of a day, the promise of rain hung in the air early in the morning.now its just muggy & warm

Dancing in the rain

Dancing in the rain by Yasemin Kahraman

Is there anything in the world more beautiful than rain!
all the more when you exist in 40 degree celsius
they say it will rain tommorrow
I wish they stop predicting it
And the it just might

Work moves slowly

Work moves slowly, the growing in gathering momentum though.The spring onions seem to have caught on, Papaya is still dormant adding to the suspense,will it live or will it not.The melon seeds have sprouted, mint & spinach doing well. Hung the pots that were meant to be hung.temperatures rising, was 40 yesterday, same today I am sure if not more.work on the lights moving very slowly.lots to finish if things are to move.

there are days on which i feel blue

there are days on which i feel blue, today is one of those
knowing that for a week now I shall be by myself
i refused to even water my plants
thats a bad sign for sure

what is it worth?

The dream

Yesterday I saw the list of art exhibitions listed & wondered the Manikandan Punnackal listed there was the same old Manikandan I knew from school.He could have been....very easily.The guy was exhibiting murals, in the kerala mural tradition.the picture showed a woman smiling, on her back on a small wooden kayak.she lay in the background of thick water weed, the leaves curling into the kayak, almost touching her curly unbound hair.
The guy I knew was the son of my physics lab assistant, not really what you would call well placed, even in those days.but the son was extraordinary.He won every competition in the vicinity, school level, state level, national level all of it.I had to wait for the guy to pass out before I could win the coveted first position.
The father believed in his son, that he could work magic for all of them.so he asked around & found NID, the school of Design nobody in my school had even heard about.It was a difficult place to get into,with an annual intake of less than 100 people in a country of millions.he managed to get through. we the small time brush workers of the school were elated.looked like painting could actually get you somewhere.
years passed by, I tried the NID entrance & did not get through, settled for the lesser NIFT.Graduated, worked for a while & then got into NID for a post graduate degree.There I heard of the guy again.He did not do too well there, he chose a technical branch that did not suit him, he did not find the programme easy to get thru, probably never painted again.I never saw him again.
But the exhibition ad made me look him up today.
No it wasn't the same guy.It was a much younger chap, educated in mural painting.his work was beautiful.The guy I thought it was was in a corporate job somewhere in bangalore, married & father of one.The cover picture was that of the smiling family, set in a wood panelled urban Indian apartment background.He looked happy, He was living the middle class Indian dream.